Psychiatrist: “I’m not aware of your problem, so perhaps you should start at the beginning.”
Patient: “All right. In the beginning I created the heavens and the earth…”
***
Two friends just finished lunch at an expensive restaurant when they realized that they didn’t have enough money to pay their bill. With some embarrassment, they explained their plight to the waiter, who gave them an increasingly frosty stare.
Finally, one offered to leave his friend there while he rushed to his nearby apartment to get the cash.
The waiter, with great indignation, replied, “Sir, we do not take hostages.”
Finally, one offered to leave his friend there while he rushed to his nearby apartment to get the cash.
The waiter, with great indignation, replied, “Sir, we do not take hostages.”
***
A man confided to his wife that he was having short-term memory problems.
Then he read an article about a doctor who treated such cases. ”I have that problem, too,” said his wife. “Let’s go together.”
Then he read an article about a doctor who treated such cases. ”I have that problem, too,” said his wife. “Let’s go together.”
Several weeks later the man was telling a friend about the doctor’s program and how well it worked. “I’d like to see that doctor, too,” said the friend.
“What’s his name?”
“What’s his name?”
“Help me with this,” said the man. “I need the name of a flower… it has a long stem… and thorns.”
“Rose?” said the friend.
“Rose?” said the friend.
“Yes, that’s it,” said the man. “Hey, Rose! What’s the name of that doctor we go to?”
***
Soon after our new minister assumed his duties, he appeared before the church board with a request for authorization to pay a teen-age church member to keep the lawn mowed at the manse. One of the deacons remarked that our former minister always mowed the lawn himself.
“I know that,” said our new minister. “I’ve already spoken to him about it, but he says he doesn’t want to do it anymore.”
He got the authorization.
***
A businessman taking a seminar on efficiency completed a case study of his wife’s routine for fixing breakfast, and presented the results to the class.
“After a few days of observation, I quickly determined the practices that were robbing her of precious time and energy,” the man reported.
“After a few days of observation, I quickly determined the practices that were robbing her of precious time and energy,” the man reported.
“Taking note of how many trips she made from the kitchen to the dining room carrying just one item, I suggested that in the future she carry several items at a time.”
“Did it work?” the teacher asked.
“It sure did,” replied the businessman. “Instead of taking her 20 minutes to fix my breakfast, it now takes me just seven.”
