Did You Read The Fine Prints?

From an editorial in the university of Kentucky student newspaper: “Recent reports have said that a number of graduates cannot even read or right.”

From an AD in the Friendswood-Pearland, Texas, News: “Housepeeper needed for a couple.”

From a Report in the Athens, Greece, Daily Post: “The rains ended yesterday afternoon, and swollen Greeks and streams began to shrink.”

In the staff parking spaces alongside the Downtown Baptist Church in Alexandria, Va., a sign warns: “Church Parking Only. Violators Will Be Baptized.”

Advertisement in a newspaper: “Organ lessons. We guarantee you will pay in 10 weeks.”From the Havertown, Pa., Leader: “He is a charismatic speaker and a major farce in politics.”

From a cosmetic ad in the Midland, Texas, Reporter-Telegram: “A new skin-care cream that gently and safely removes $20.”

In The Wall Street Journal: “Tokyo can be fun – provided you have the yen to do it.”

The Houston Chronicle, quoting the mayor of a small Texas City: “We are planning a new jail soon, and expect to be in it before the end of the year.”

On a door in an automobile plant: “Emergency Exit Only – Not to be used under any circumstances.”

From an employment-opportunities ad in the Santa Barbara News-Press: “Snack Bar Manager. Experience necessary in fool handling.”

From an article on filing income-tax returns: “If you and your spouse file separately, each should report only his or her own income. Each should also report only his or her seductions.”

This classic classified appeared in Rolling Stone magazine:
“HAPPY VASECTOMY, ERIC. Your loving wife and children: Chris, Aida, George, Carol, Yolanda, Joan, Shirley, Susan, Anita, Aileen, Jackie, Sheila, Bruce, Dean, Frank and Maxine.