A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: “If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?”
The winning reply was: “The one nearest the exit.”
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The winning reply was: “The one nearest the exit.”
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An 11-year old boy holidaying in Switzerland wrote the following to his mother in London: “Yesterday the instructor took eight of us to the slopes to teach us skiing. I was not very good at it, and so I broke a leg. Thank goodness it wasn’t one of mine.
When police arrested a medicine peddler for selling eternal-youth pills, they discovered that he was one of those repeat violators. He had been arrested on the same charge in 1772, 1829 and 1904.
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After much controversy, a school adopted a sex-education program. One mother hadn’t been too enthusiastic about it and was worried about how her small daughter would react.
Imagine her feelings when the youngster came home and said, “Mommy, guess what? We learned how to make babies today!”
“What?” the mother gasped. Then, trying to speak calmly, she asked, “Tell me, dear, how do you make babies?”
“Easy,” the little one said, “You drop the y and add i-e-s.”
***
Imagine her feelings when the youngster came home and said, “Mommy, guess what? We learned how to make babies today!”
“What?” the mother gasped. Then, trying to speak calmly, she asked, “Tell me, dear, how do you make babies?”
“Easy,” the little one said, “You drop the y and add i-e-s.”
***
Showing a tour group around a museum, the guide said, “That fossil in the glass case is two million and nine years old.”
"How can you date it so precisely?” someone asked admiringly.
“That’s easy,” replied the guide. “I’ve been working here nine years, and it was two million years old when I came.”
***
"How can you date it so precisely?” someone asked admiringly.
“That’s easy,” replied the guide. “I’ve been working here nine years, and it was two million years old when I came.”
***
A dinner was held in honor of 80 year-old John B. Fulton. Speaker after speaker got up and paid tribute to Fulton as a great banker, rancher, real-estate man and manufacturer. All of them told how Fulton had come to their state 60 years earlier, bare-foot, in tattered clothes, with nothing but a pack on his back. One guest couldn’t get that image out of his mind. So, after the ceremonies, he went up to Fulton and asked, “Sir, what did you have in the pack on your back?”
Fulton drew deeply on his cigar, blew some smokes in his face and replied, “Two million dollars in cash.”
Fulton drew deeply on his cigar, blew some smokes in his face and replied, “Two million dollars in cash.”
