Have You Heard A Good One Lately?

One wedding guest to another: “It’s a marriage of convenience. She owns a big luxury car and he owns a gas station.”

When the Boston Symphony played an avant-garde composition which repeats a single chord endlessly, someone in the balcony screamed, “Stop! I’ll confess.”

One attorney to another: “I believe a man is innocent until he runs out of money.”

One businessman to another: “I finally taught my son the value of a dollar. Now he wants his weekly allowance in euros.”

Federal official talking about the US economy to a group of businessmen: “We see nothing but increasingly brighter clouds every month.”

At the barbershop: “Don’t regard it as losing hair. Think of it as gaining face.”

Ski-shop owner: “Birds singing, buds on trees, warm spring air – what a depressing time of year!”

Everyone’s cutting expenses these days. I overheard a man tell the waiter: “In lieu of a tip, my wife is going to help you clear the table.”

My husband is a do-it-yourself man – every time I ask him to do something, he says, “Do it yourself.”

After an especially boring first-aid lecture At Mather Air Force Base in California, the instructor asked, “Now, what is one symptom of brain damage?”
From the back of the room came the quick reply: “A desire to re-enlist.”